Why the fuck do I enjoy drinking so much? It's a pain in the ass to wake up with a headache. It rained last night, pretty hard and it was annoying once again to be woken up by Warhola, needing to roll the windows up on his car. I was just annoyed by everything last night. Shauna's 27th birthday was yesterday, and Kerry Leigh and I dropped 40 dollars each on a vintage 1920s cloiche hat that she flipped her shit over. I was just tired and cranky but it made me happy to give it to her and see her so happy. She helped me out so much when I was new to the city. So I drank some pineapple stoli's and raced Warhola home on my bike. I won, of course (parking in new orleans is worse than death) and suddenly just wanted to evaporate. I'm working 7 days a week for the next fucking 2 weeks and I know I'm going to lash out at August if he isn't working at all, much less even kindof as hard as I am. Which I know won't be happening, but I can dream, right? I'm awake and showered and ready now, when everyone else is still sleeping, despite my hangover and lack of self ____. I just am so angry lately. I feel the swings of a manic episode taking me in. I won't show Warhola this, because I am just a fucking hurricane of emotion and weirdness sometimes, and I'm sure he wouldn't be able to deal with me/it. Which is kind of sad because I like the kid. Not really love, because love is not loving, but I like him and don't want to fuck him up with my unbalanced mental history. I have to start reapplying for school. I don't want to go back to school at all, but I don't want to end up like my parents, working shit for the rest of their lives. I mean, I like learning. I liked taking super high level political theory classes and kicking ass in them. I liked my women's study classes. It's all the, it's all the fucking papers. Or something. Can we just sit and talk about them? Because if you can have a serious discussion about something, that proves you know a little more about it than if you can just write a paper with tons of quotes from the internet. Right?
Shit. I need some coffee and a cigarette. I miss my cat. :(
I miss heavy drugs in general. I have only been stoned once since being down here, and haven't had any heavy drugs at all. I miss them terribly, I'd much much rather be stoned than drunk, or phased out on a xanax than drunk. I know it's not impossible to get in this city, what the fuck is my problem? Oh yeah, I'm not hanging out with anyone of my age group, and everyone else is in their 30s and think that drugs are so fucking PASSSE, which yeah, they probably are, but that doesn't mean I don't like them and would like to enjoy them every now in then. I think I'm withdrawing. I probably have already, but the constant drinking hasn't shown any symptoms. Now that I'm not really drinking, what the fuck?

yeah. Time to annoy this Warhola fellow and get some fucking coffee.